weirderthanthou | Info Post: Jesse, Lucifer, Dante

It's a medium news day at work so of course I'm messing with gifs to keep myself occupied.

Jesse Faden - the Mayor - Control

(

weirderthanthou)

~this is an ordinary song, about an ordinary girl from an ordinary town. It's the ordinary story! She worked an ordinary job, in an ordinary office~
Jesse Faden grew up in a small town called Ordinary, ~~Wisconsin~~ Maine, where she had an ordinary childhood in which she felt horrifically out of place, until she and her brother found a slide projector with the ability to open portals into new worlds and her whole life quickly spun entirely out of control. Ordinary is gone, now, and all its adults with it, most of its children twisted into something unrecognizable.
the Federal Bureau of Control rolled in shortly afterwards and cleaned up, taking Jesse's brother Dylan and leaving her defacto the only free survivor of what would come to be known as the Ordinary Altered World Event (AWE).
she drifted from foster family to psychiatric care unit to foster family to living on her own to psychiatric care unit, and from night shift job to night shift job while she obsessively worked to find her brother again.
Jesse always felt like an oddball, out of place, and that - and the fact no one ever believed her about Ordinary - turned her quiet and anxious and unsure if she had any worth or talent at all
then she walked into a bonkers place called the Oldest House, found her brother traumatized from years of being 'trained' for the position of Director of the FBC and possessed by an evil force called the Hiss, picked up a supernatural gun called the Service Weapon and became Director of the FBC
turns out she does have a talent: she has ice in her veins in the face of cosmic weirdness, a psychic helping resonance in her mind called Polaris, and a talent for binding supernatural objects to herself. through that, she's accumulated the power to fly, move objects with her mind, run in bursts of incredible speed and control minds.
because the whole 'in charge of an agency that captures and studies weird shit' thing might upset people around here, her natural paranoid nature and her lack of people skills, she manages to be both secretive and yet occasionally blurty about her personal background.
the whole powers thing is out of the bag now, though.
made some friends here, which is a source of permanent bafflement for her

Lucifer Morningstar - the Devil - Lucifer

(

my_own_advocate)

isn't right all the time he's actually an idiot with impulse control issues and a massive disaster whose grasp on object permanence re: other people's feelings is slippery at best
if you're ever wondering who the butt of the joke is the answer is probably him (he just hasn't noticed)
is the Devil, the Adversary, Beelzebub, Old Scratch, that whole routine, but he retired some time ago to go run a nightclub in LA.
then ran away to Fandom after the woman he's in love with tried to kill him. then ran back to LA to be near her and also date someone else. then had to go to Hell after someone else turned into a stalker and unleashed demons onto the earth. he's back now after another two thousand years subjective time spent obsessing about 1) the woman he's in love with, 2) two boat people on Fandom he has confusing feelings about, 3) how he's a horrible loathsome person who destined to fuck up everything he loves and is better off staying away from everyone forever
is an adult kid who rebelled as a teen because his parents stopped paying attention to him, and promptly got thrown out of the house and forced to torture humans for millions of years subjective time
has been in therapy for years now but unpacking deep trauma after millions of years of repressing it underneath a blanket of recrimination and projection is Hard, yo
is an angel, which means he has super strength, invulnerability, stamina and durability, gorgeous large white wings he can summon at will, a particular-to-him power to compell people to tell him their deepest desires, a supernatural charm that reflects people's desires back at them (ergo making him seem more desireable), and this very annoying thing where his body changes or loses or gains new powers based on how he's feeling at the time
hosts at the Devil's Nest on Tuesdays and Fridays and lives in a too-big mansion in the center of town. recovering one-night stand enjoyer, otherwise all-around hedonist
has somehow stumbled into a confusing Situation with the boat people who apparently share similarily confusing feelings
this is not at all going to cause trouble when the woman he's in love with in LA decides to start speaking to him again (she's processing a Thing where it turns out she was created specifically for Lucifer and he thinks she should be over it by now. she's not.)
is a complete snob who wears expensive suits all the time, drinks good scotch, has a massive grin practically nailed onto his face most of the time and sublimates his feelings into piano music whenever possible
no really he's an idiot

Dante Sparda - the Nephilim - DmC: Devil May Cry

(

rebelseekspizza)

he's also an idiot but this one actually has some emotional intelligence, folks!
is one of twin boys born to the demon lord Sparda and the angel Eva. as a result, he is a nuclear reactor of celestial power who also happens to be extremely pretty and very bendy.
slept his way through most of his junior and senior class back when he was a student. has happily been in a relationship with spin_kick_snap and not_every_mage for years. works as a freelance demon hunter in his home town of Limbo City, except this semester he's coming back to put all that experience to work in a Sex Ed class. you're welcome, kids.
years of running from, and often fighting or being tortured by, the demons that were until recently in charge of his home dimension did a number on him. getting his memories and his powers back and driving them back to the plane they came from, plus years of affection and growth means he's dropped most of his feral, temperamental attitude, though.
is actually extremely laid-back and cheery these days, though at least part of that is a front to keep him on the right side of a slowly-developing inclination towards depression, caused by losing his twin brother twice to the guy's own hubris and arrogance.
is basically a celestial scabbard, who has made several weapons part of himself and can summon others at will; heals really fast and can run and fight for a very long time; has the power to shift into either a solid demon form or into a pure explosion of gravity-bending power; and has a somewhat confusing relationship with gravity in general. it drives Kathy insane.
misses all of his Fandom friends a lot.
is originally from the short-lived reboot of Devil May Cry, DmC: Devil May Cry, but has over the years slowly gone through some alternate universe versions of events from the classic series. in about 25 years, will be this idiot:

Len - the Bedraggled - Real Life, Unfortunately

Hi, I'm Dutch, which means I'm at least 6 hours ahead of people on the East Coast and even further away time-wise from the rest of most of you.
(my sleeping pattern is weird so don't be surprised if I vanish at 3 PM and then randomly lob a ping your way at 9 PM)
writes about video games and technology professionally and let me tell you after like four years that still feels like a weird thing to say
i'm apparently worth like 36 cents a word now so that means the internet owes me [calculates] 504 euros for this post that's how it works right
i'm in my thirties now and i hate it
2020 was shitty to me in a superlative way personally on top of all the *waves at the world* and i may be frazzled i'm sorry
will never get the Devil May Cry 5-theme out of my head
that's it